03 November 11 - 09:42
Taboo Topics
So back in February 2007, I wrote a blog titled PRIDE (if you haven't read it please go back and read it or if you don't remember it re reading it might help you understand where i am coming from), I have since made a lot of changes and feel that I need to talk about some of the Taboo Topics in my life. There are many that I could choose from but to get this started I will only write about a few and maybe with any luck I will continue this blog again with some of the other topics at another time.
I think the biggest change thats going on in my life is my divorce and this topic leads to other taboo topics so I will start here.
DIVORCE
I was 26 years young and getting divorced. Never thought that would be me. I did things in my relationship that I thought were good choices for a healthy marriage. I got to know him, met his family dated and got engaged for a long time before getting married. I went into my marriage thinking this would be a life long commitment like my parents and grandparents. I am the first person in my family to get a divorce and well it is not something I am proud of at all, but i know it was the right choice for us. This is a new feeling and idea for me to be a divorced woman. I have had people who have hit on me cause I am divorced (think this has something to do with being lonely/easy), I have had people look down at me for getting married so young and ultimately getting divorce, I have had people who stopped being my friends cause I am divorced. These are all crazy ideas to me because divorce happens... and it happens for many reasons. My divorce happened cause of an addiction, which brings me to taboo topic number two.
ADDICTION
I was married to an addict. He did not see what he was doing as a problem which is what addicts do. His addiction is taboo topic number three. (So keep reading) The thing about addictions is that they don't just affect the addict they also affect the families and friends of the addict. From addiction comes lies, broken trust, and hurt. Addictions can only be overcome if the addict sees what they are doing and chooses to fight the addiction, and it will be a fight they will have to fight every day for the rest of their life.
SEX/PORN
Some of you know this and some of you don't so here it goes... my husband was addicted to porn. His addiction is more common then you would think. Problem is no one talks about it. So here I am to talk about it. Its a personal choice to have porn in your life or not, I am not here to tell you that it is bad... just that it can be bad if it is an addiction. When porn becomes more important then the actual act of sex with a real person this is bad. It leaves your partner feeling inadequate which can cause self esteem issues and lead to other issues. Porn is so easy for some to get addicted to cause they haven't had it in their lives at all, or it was something that was told to be bad (leaving you wondering why is it so bad), or it was just something hidden. These are all reasons that people experiment with drugs or alcohol and porn is just another thing that people experiment with. In our society of computers and internet porn has become more accessible then it had been in the past... the idea that no one will know what you are doing makes it such an easy thing to become addicted to. Unlike drugs and alcohol you no longer have to leave your house to get your fix it is delivered right to your computer. I think that when I have kids one day I will sit down with them when they are old enough to understand and tell them about porn, and what it is, why its out there, what its used for, and how it can be a bad thing. Maybe I am crazy for wanting to do that but I don't want my kids in the situation I have been through just cause they didn't know what could happen.
ABUSE
There are many kinds of abuse out there and it doesn't always mean you are getting beat up. More often then not you are getting beat down, What I mean by that is emotional abuse is more common then the physical abuse and one can lead to the other. My personal experience has been more on the side of emotional abuse then the physical but it has been both. NO ONE should EVER be told that they will never be anything, or that no one will want them, or that they suck as a person. I am trying to over come some of the things that have been pumped into my head over the years. Things like you are not good enough, you are fat, you are not pretty enough, you aren't good in bed, you are not a good worker... over time they take their tole and leave you broken and believing the lies. Only you can change the things you say to your family, friends, kids, coworkers and just people in general. So think and speak positive cause this abuse does hurt. As for the physical abuse we need to teach our kids that hitting is not alright that we need to talk about our problems instead of using our fists to solve them. We need to lead by example lets not hit either. Be the kind of person you want your kids to be.
Well I think I have gotten a few taboo topics out there tonight with this blog... but I want to know what you think about what i had to say and what other taboo topics we should be talking about. For those of you who chose to stand with me now is your turn to shine. Thanks for reading. ~Rachel
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